HELP! I am
currently experiencing a conflict in my group childcare home, and I am open to
any suggestions! Here is the background:
· One
ten year old boy is enrolled part time for the summer, attending one week on,
one week off. During the off weeks he is
with his father, during his childcare weeks he is with his mother.
· Mother
of this boy admits she has no control at home, states the boy has ADHD but is
off medication for the summer, and also admits she is afraid to cross the child
because of the joint custody. Mother is
living near poverty level.
· Father
of the boy does not have any interaction with the child care. He comes from a financially well off family,
and spoils the boy with cruises, cell phones, etc.
· Staff
wants the boy removed from the childcare.
They are refusing to work with him, and are becoming very stressed
within his presence. One male staff
member admits that he is close to physically harming the child, and is having a
hard time holding back. He has asked to
be assigned away from the boy.
· The
ten year old boy has been using inappropriate language, teaching younger
children to fight, showing disrespect to adults in front of the other children,
talking back to staff, and in general acting as if he were better than everyone
else at the childcare. At mealtime he grabs a plate and eats before other
children are called to the table, uses poor table manners, and complains about
our “slop”, as he eats three to four servings.
· As
the director, I have observed the boy. I
do not notice any signs of ADHD. I do
notice signs of lack of adequate parental control. He seems to be using his parent’s divorce as
a way to control his mother, threatening to go live with his father when she does
not meet his demands. I do not know if
he does the same with his father.
As the director, my first step was to assign the male
staff person to an area away from this child.
This staff person has worked with me for over ten years, and has never
touched a child. I support his request
to work away from this child, due to his admission of possible lack of control
in the future. I hope to work with the
child, and as I make progress, explain to the male staff person my non-violent
techniques. I can walk the staff person
through the process, taking baby steps, showing by example how to help this
child in a non-violent way. I may also
consider future training for this staff person in the area of non-violent
conflict resolutions. I will also
compliment the male staff person for his honesty in this situation.
I have observed the boy, and am wondering if he is acting
out at the childcare because he feels as if he does not fit in. Perhaps he does not know how to fit in. He is around younger children, which is a new
environment for him. I have also noticed
that he does not seem to understand when he is disrespecting others. It is almost as if he were never taught to
respect others. Therefore, I am planning
on working closely with him the next week he attends childcare, helping him to
fit in, and teaching him how to respect others.
His mother says he has no interests or hobbies other than video games. He packs a large number of stuffed animals
with him daily, and all of them are related to video game characters. I am thinking that this boy may need a close
friend, perhaps an adult, who he can talk to and confide in. Therefore, I hope to use the three R’s by talking
with him, actively listening, respecting him, and promoting responsive
interactions with him.
I am definitely open to any suggestions!
Mary L.
